That’s what i said when I found out my ex was getting married.

sure, when i do it, it’s “weird” and “ruins the mood,” but when NICKI MINAJ does it...

I have been married forever but I was also a bridge-burner.

Stellar job, you guys!

Yup, that was one of two Halo weapons on my shortlist. Though I think I like Battle Rifle just a little bit more.

For me, it’ll always be this OP’d sumbitch.

A beard and a job? Someone needs to reevaluate their standards.

I haven’t been able to score a meaningful relationship since my ex broke off the engagement, so when I saw him one day with a gorgeous woman and a baby, I went straight back to the office, locked myself in the bathroom and cried for the rest of the lunch break.

He wasn’t an ex, but someone who only liked me once I stopped liking him. He left me a bunch of drunken, crying voicemails. In German. Which I don’t speak.

this passive aggression will not stand, man.

I don’t have anything good but this will be me waiting for the stories. I also spent way too long looking for a popcorn gif.

“No such thing is possible. In the Talmud, in the Jewish tradition, it says when that part of the male anatomy is aroused and there’s an erection, the brain flies out of that and we have to take that very seriously, so I don’t agree with that.”

when that part of the male anatomy is aroused and there’s an erection, the brain flies out of that and we have to take that very seriously,

WHY DID YOU DO THIS, I WAS JUST GETTING OVER THIS. Now I need more therapy, THANKS.

Domestic violence, sounds like a textbook controlling abuser.

I mean.

If sweatpants send her into a murderous rage, how will she react to orange jumpsuits?

Fuck you, man, my clitoris just dropped dead.

Timely.

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