Shut up, this is beautiful.

Good news is he lost the election.

That's a little different from "Come to bed so I can jerk it while you sleep." Not that everything I've been hearing makes her sound weird. Probably more "frowned upon" than "actual abuse."

It's really strange. I'd say if she and her sister had to sleep in the same bed for some reason (they were too poor to have more than one bed for the kids, her sister absolutely could not sleep at all ever unless in the same bed, etc.) then maybe it would be okay, because probably when her sister fell asleep that…

Every last one of those is horrifying.

Does porn count? Please tell me porn counts.

For sixty bucks, that thing better have a working particulate filter.

Please, Jesus, send clothes to all the women on daddy's computer.

According to Fancy Nancy, you just have to tape three different colored ribbons to a table and practice, practice, practice.

Now that's art.

I did too. I was severely disappoint.

Obligatory.

Or just a moron.

That ain't polish, it's soot!

I prefer the red wine top-down enema. It involves drinking wine. Eventually it'll get down there somehow.

I've said it before, I'll say it again:

It bears mentioning, too, that John Grisham is a terrible, awful, not very good writer either.

Foot-dexterity was not a mission critical requirement.

And...no one is going to mention that perhaps...MAYBE open carry laws are a bad idea? 2nd amendment doesn't trump the 1st.

Not just the Middle East. It's everywhere, all the time.