"Help me."

The people of our country have poor upper body strength and bad balance.

He needs to get that rash looked at.

Was his name Walter White?

It's Québecois dialect, which is really hard to understand, even for French speakers. But that also makes it kind of awesome.

At least it's not a live action commercial? That would be really, really weird.

Forced perspective?

Well that sure changes the way I look at Vicki's daughter.

Sorry about your girl running off with Jody.

Admit it, you're just teeing up the inevitable, "Hey, Remember That Really Cute Bear, Well it Died" story.

Hope you're going to be OK. Good luck under the knife.

Ah, the soft sciences.

Yo, check out my Bidenface.

For her sake, I really hope it's a wig.

She's probably the only good thing in those kids' lives, and the parents know it.

I used to work as a doorman at a building. One morning, I get to work early, and there's this young guy, who works at a hedge fund, and who was a pretty wild dude (and frankly kind of an asshole), sleeping on one of the couches in the lobby in his underwear. So I went and got one of those big maglite flashlights we…

"That mate's a right blinding lemon, 'e is, eh what, China?"

Did they really have to call it the Prince Albert Bridge?

Force fields. Bottles are for plebes.

I like how everyone here has to pretend like we don't all read RebloggingDonk.