aren't all airports horrible places that nobody would ever spend one second of their lives in if they didn't have to though?

lemme tell you what Momma Said Knock You Out is about: it'a all about this dick who's a regular baseball mitt. I'm talkin' morning, day, night, afternoon, punch, punch,punch, punch, punch, punch,punch, punch, punch. I mean, he's takin' alot of punches. then one day he meet this Evander Hollyfield motherfucker, and…

I prefer Paul Hogan's Alley.

man, these James Bond quips are getting really unimaginative!

Doocy, by a mile. I have never seen someone with a shit-eating grin so permanently attached to his face.

and yet that's the very reason they all go un-punched. you see, much like the hottest chick in the bar, potential face-punchers are intimidated by their extreme face-punchability, and assume that somebody so face-punchable must either be out of their face-punching league, or already have someone to punch their face.

the real meaning of Christmas is to glorify the word "Christmas" beyond all reason, while out the other side of your mouth punishing the poor for their poverty, sowing resentment and hatred towards your fellow man, and just generally undermining everything Christmas is supposed to stand for.

only suckers buy their slaves. the smart slave owner knows that is just makes sense to lease. slaves only depreciate in value. he's lost have his value the second you drag him off the auction block shedding tears of a despair you will never fathom for the family he'll in all likelihood never see again. so it's best to…

of course it has. surely you've heard the famous catchphrase repeated by audiences across America every Tuesday at 8pm, "eh, I guess I'll watch the first half of Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. until Brooklyn Nine-Nine comes on."

my guess was Frankenweenie, or something otherwise animated. my next guess (which I knew was probably wrong from the style of the mask) was South Park, because they had an episode dealing with Poe this season.

a 12 year lease on a slave, from the movie 12 Years A Slave.

"even"? if a woman playing for the other team were any impediment to my ability to fantasize about her, well there's a whole major genre of pornography that I'd be missing out on.

…with a switchblade.

I have no idea, haven't seen it. but I like Jane Lynch, and her presence means that I can't rule out the possibility that it's hilarious.

wait, so the Blu-Ray set has the good taste to exclude Crystal Skull? or did you just chuck that disc out the window as hard as you can at somebody you dislike as soon as you got the set?

thanks I have a report due on Sexting In Suburbia on monday, and you just saved me a ton of time!

in a cross-promotional tie-in, Starbucks will be denying service to anyone who isn't a closer.

asking questions about a movie's plot as that plot point is being explained, thus causing the person you are asking to miss that plot point as well.

"lifetime subscriber of Chick Tracts" = "has a bus pass"

Chick Temple: The temple for chicks!