Having never been touched like that by a woman before, it was all he could do to prematurely eject her.

Something Robert Kraft pays $60 for?

Man, he sure roasted Giannis. That’s probably the second biggest burn in Brazil all month.

The announcer sounds like what my dog would be like.

“Wow! That’s all I ever wanted!” -The Go-Go’s

Pitcher: “Your frequent replacement of perfectly fine baseballs is excessive.”

Umpire: “What? Why wouldn’t the Freemasons find Spaceballs impressive?”

[...mutual confused silence...]

Pitcher, Umpire, Batter, and Catcher together: “Bill Pullman sucks.”

“Coastal elite democrats deny Alabama access to hurricane.”

A joke that works until you say it out loud has issues.

It’s a big win for Brazil, but I think national debt is still the favorite in that group.

One brother was Drazen, and one brother was brazen.

I have the “Wear a helmet” battle with my 12 year old daily, simply because of the sheer number of dipshit parents in my town who allow their kids to ride their bikes up and down main roads without them. Now it’s if course become a “Cool kids don’t wear helmets” thing, and I have to fight with my son so he doesn’t…

And be sure to actually strap them on properly! An unstrapped helmet is just an ugly hat

Shame to hear of his passing.

HOLY SHIT. I love the internet sometimes.

“Kicking her while she’s down? I like your style.”

Rolled my eyes so hard I saw my own brain.

The Defenechstration of Houston

Struck me as pretty Natural, actually. 

The last player to break a Big Mac sign like that was Bartolo Colon at the order kiosk.