This is a very long article to say “I don’t know how to not be distracted by television”.

On my son’s first visit to the Denver Zoo when he was maybe 18 months old, a motherfucking peacock walked right up to his face, unprovoked, and screeched at him, and my little guy nearly died from shock. He hasn’t been able to watch NBC since.

For teens, a bribe of drive-through cocoa or coffee

I do not envy those of you with daughters. I would fail at this.

Yeah cause as the NFL has shown us for years, you have to be a true and real expert in the field of football to make sure it works.

They look like something one of the countries in the ‘92 Olympics would’ve worn whilst getting trucked by Team USA 115-40.

You’re a weird guy, Ace. Weird guy.

Can’t we all just agree to make fun of these two for having the same stupid hipster-retro camera from the 80s at a public event in 2017?!

Great joke, but in order to understand, it took me a... incremental amount of time.

Colorado basketball is so mad they’re about to reach the rapid vaporization of water-point.

Tad Boyle is a good coach and CU has had some solid players in recent years.

I remember in college, my wife’s 3 roommates all voted for Bush over Kerry, and they were all white, non-religious college girls who literally had no idea why they went with Bush.

This was the closest thing we had in Denver that I can remember... Pleasures was/is an adult book store, and this truly fucked up ad is just the tip of the iceberg...

Man I really wish the “he says the N word” rumors wouldn’t have come in... that is an incredibly serious accusation and if it’s all bullshit just to stoke the flames of hate on this dumb lady and her dumb flag, that’s fucking awful.

Please be very careful and try not to hurt yourself jumping to those conclusions so far away.

There are two pretty large errors in the final paragraph of this post.

Rest easy, McKayla, if there’s any justice in the world he will be murdered in jail very, VERY quickly.

Yeah, cause I’m sure he’s flying coach.

Well yeah, that lady is taking a shit with her pants on, of course she’s doing it wrong.

Well yeah, that lady is taking a shit with her pants on, of course she’s doing it wrong.

Sure, but that’s pretty weak. I think Schiano may be an asshole and I couldn’t give a fuck about UT hiring him, but to say “we can’t hire this guy because someone under oath said that someone ELSE said that he saw something” is pretty fucking leaky. Especially when that someone else has said “that is a lie, I never…