Oscar and Charlie were just oiling each other up. Nobody wants to watch that.

“I take as my inspiration the indomitable and noble phoenix, never vanquished, rising anew from the ass crack.”

Eh, no, those colors are awful. It looks like a black light poster.

He looks like a drunken Ed Hardy shat on his back after a wild night of D&D.

Evidently it takes much less time to lose the Batman body than it does to get it.

That type of self-harm require intense therapy.

She wrote a song about him! I felt bad for whatever issues caused her to do such horrid things to her face but knowing she was sprung on a chinless doughy douchebag like Donald Trump Jr just makes me feel so much worse for her.

Yeah, you’re not shaming her for having sex with dudes. You’re shaming her for the shameful dude she had sex with.

All I can think to say is

Will Jermaine have to finally be a Prostitute? I mean, he can say no to being a male jiggalo

Why postpone? We already know Bret’s role in the band can easily be filled by a casette tape, so long as Jemaine doesn’t stand near any large magnets the tour should be able to commence as planned.

So you showed your penis to the man at the greeting-card company?

“falling down some stairs”

Hmm.  I feel like I dislike everyone in this story.

Sarah Huckabee Sanders just said that this was “obviously” a joke. Classic stuff, really good. His impression of an early-stage Alzheimers patient gets me every time.

My dad used to lay in bed with me when he told me bedtime stories. He would start to fall asleep midway through every story and soon my requested fable about Star Wars now featured an angry Ted Williams and aspects of tort reform. My half conscious father made far more sense than this president

You guys...I’m starting to think he may not actually be very bright.

You have to understand that Trump is, among many other things, a pathological liar. He will make shit up to fit his narrative (or for no apparent reason on other occasions) and then believe it himself. At this point I’m positive that he believes that story is the absolute truth

What a surreal and slightly idiotic set of circumstances. I can’t identify with any part of this article, not the streamers, his viewers, his living situation, his apparent lack of adult coping skills to engage in other more conventional social activities during his suspension. These articles about Twitch, the…

Thank you for the idea, do you have any tips on the tallest TV antennae