I knew that. My autocorrect didn't.

"I love this show!"

Well, they gotta fill up all that space Disney's leaving them with, I guess.

I know that when I've lost the Springfield Shopper, I've lost it all. I disavow my previous statement.

IT guys with no social skills? Well, I never!

I just hope there's enough Chinese money tied up in the US that they'll step in and keep things copacetic.

There was probably someone from HR in the room with them.

No.

John Cheever the writer did. You're thinking of John Cheever the district manager for The Rocky Mountain Chocolate Company, and he's fine, just a little shaken up, after that fender bender this morning.

Want to place bets on who wrote that line for him? I'm thinking it was John Kelly.

Oh, so things really haven't changed that much.

I don't think I could pay appropriate attention to my dates with Zoya the Destroyer around.

We also would have accepted "To the viewing gallery at the Taylor Swift trial."

Maybe you can book Alison Brie for less?

He fixed the cable.

Nice. I just had world-weary poststructuralist and asshole art historian.

That actually sounds really nice. There was a lot of artifice and performance back in the day, which was utterly nerve wracking.

It's even worse if one of the women thinks you're European royalty and the other thinks you're a world-class surfer and you keep mixing up the accents.

It's been more than 20 years since the last first date I'm ever going on. I can't imagine how terrible it must be for young people now.

I know I'm an old crank and my opinion is worthless, but “$23 at CVS and you can call yourself a pimp” isn't something one should say on a first date. I hope Justin's intendeds get a development deal out of this.