oh i had that look a lot, i'm sure, in high school, dating theater girls. oh, they're awesome, and tough, and "fun dramatic" when it's just the two of you. and usually dynamite in the sack. but jesus christ, always with the goddamn show tunes. get them together with their theater friends, and you get…the look on…

good on you! i don't know if many greek men hear that enough, so, in your own way, you might have pre-emptively helped an ailing greece out. if only in some small way. it's a nebulous dot to connect, but you should use that to reward yourself with ice cream anyway.

and jesus christ he will not shut up about how he "smokes reefer" with "colored fellows."

true, but they still do on the west coast! two more punches on mine and i get a free froyo! no toppings though. they're patriarchal.

i can't be objective, because freddy scared me shitless as a wee one (35-year-old me..so scared).

no of course not. we liked chris tucker, and i guess jackie chan. he's their tagalong, micropenis-having dickhole friend who snuck in to the party behind them INSISTING he will "get laid" first. by the time we realized that, he'd already been hired for x-men the last stand. and it was TOO LATE.

house of leaves just sounds like a weekend yardwork chore list written by an out of work harvard educated writer

i thought the point of paranormal activity was to warn us that oran peli sucks at creating likable characters, and should thus be rewarded with a film career. MICAH! MICAH!

lemon laws: the motion picture

that thing we didn't ask for, from people that we don't like any more!

well, it also reads better than, "idiot long island contractor overextends credit, uses haunting as excuse to dodge creditors." or "overpopulated rhode island family buys shithole house, ends up regretting it." damn, according to haunted house movies, white people's greatest foe is fucking buyer's remorse.

*especially* in fight club.

technically, "a nightmare on elm street" is more based on a true story than this. kids in LA actually died in their sleep. and kept coffee pots by their bed.

the amityville horror! based on the true story of idiots overspending, then blaming demons and evil native americans!!!

no, no, it's based on a true story. that really happened. people really dressed like that in the late 70's. that story is totally true.

fuckin good. i paid good money to see mr. saturday night in the theater, and not ONE "you look mahvelous!" son of a bitch. i'm still pissed.

what, is billy crystal on the board of univision now?
av club, i'm pretty sure the world has been pretty clear and firm in our rejection of billy crystal. please don't become the billy crystal of humorous pop culture publications.

shit. fair dues. to be fair though, i've retroscripted my reactions to 90s and 2000s movies. now ocean's eleven is now, "attractive male prostitutes cosplay competent thieves, pretending julia roberts is worth the trouble."

you don't know my journey.

wait, is that the ocean's eleven knockoff that no one wanted, or another one?