"It is a shame, given the manifold problems and hazards endangering our world today, that so much energy is being expended on tearing down two people who simply wish to help. It doesn't matter what the press and other naysayers say— we'll always be proud of them for their efforts at Sochi, at Normandy and in rescuing…

But the bright side is that you are now the American sports journalist who was banned from the 2014 Olympics for online pics of you yanking off your knob.

It's incredible how one picture of a broken door knob can send so many people flying off the handle.

A word on oyster shooters, which is what you are describing here:

You have not truly experienced the raw oyster until you have eaten on the dock in south Louisiana.

how cute. you believe college football to be separate from pros.

Yay football with your parlayed, ALSed, crippled and CTE players. Congrats that you have tv deals with every major tv network so no one will backtalk you. Hooray that you haven't payed taxes since 1966 in exchange for not having games on Friday. Cheers for settling suit because your can't win a court case. Yippee to…

Although I went to a 4-year university and am glad I did, I wish trade school had been presented as more of an option. 4-year college was sort of shoved down all of our throats as the best and only path, and it's simply not the right path for everyone. Had trade school been presented in an equally enthusiastic way, I…

They aren't clutching their purses, they're reaching for their peppermint spray.

My favorite feature of the Gingerbread Estate is how all of the gingerbread women hold their purses tightly if you add a chocolate cookie to the set

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Technically he's not dead, he just lacks a soul. He's an undead Foodspin zombie.

That is foul. Ketchup chills and corrupts the eggs. ABOMINATION.

May hornets built a hive in your brain.

Yes exactly. Add into that what a pain in the ass it is to have to go to the doctors office every goddamn month to get a script to take to the pharmacy because it is too widely abused to be able to have refills or the doctor call it in.

"Oh shit, this posh lady is going to leave her husband for me. Why does this keep happening?"

When I plan my dinner menus, I try to achieve a balance of the six component tastes that the tongue can detect.

Sweet. Salty. Bitter. Sour. Umami. Vulnerability.

Oh, I've been to your dinner parties. You can't make me believe for a second that there's any sort of shortage — of tuber, raceme, or mammal rib rack — that could subvert the perfect melancholy of those evenings. You're just looking for attention aren't you.

It's not just potatoes either, it's anything you want to name.

Too much work and you lose the delicate taste of the crab. This is how an elderly housewife from southern Maryland taught me when I was a kid.