There are few universal truths. Fire is hot. Water is wet. Will Cain is an idiot.

on a cross country drive, i got to my hotel in indiana. i asked where i could find a beer close by. upon finding out i could not buy beer on sunday, i turned around and drove back to kentucky.

It’s nice to see an MSU athlete taken to dinner before presumably being molested.

Why does Deadspin, which uses the tagline ‘Death to the NCAA’ still cover college sports and therefore remains a cog in the NCAA’s fucked-up business machine? It’s like employing Hamilton Nolan and then having one of your sites run a podcast with McDonald’s. It makes no sense.

Hey good for you, too bad you developed a terminal case of being a piece of shit.

That’s easy! Just remove the scenes on earth, the video clip explaining the “Cloverfield Paradox” and the overdubbed mentions of the word “Cloverfield”.

I want it to be good and I want it to make money. But I don’t want an Iron Man 3 where it makes great money (over a billion) but was pretty meh. Don’t worry Armond White, the troll of the movie community will lower its score just like he did up to prevent a 100%, sadly.

“Hold this piece of succulent lettuce.”

Life Pro Tip:

I got a flu shot in November and I’m currently at home with the flu.

Why does Hundley’s helmet always look way too small? Looks like he’s playing in one of those kids uniforms with the plastic helmet.

They raised the price and goddam took off Always Sunny in Philadelphia.... WTF!

You’ll have to forgive me if I was drunk when they taught us this class in college, but I don’t recall there ever being 25+ ft tall elephants in existence. Elephants in Egypt were like 8' tall. Isn’t some semblance of historical accuracy their whole gimmick? Now they’re creating mythical creatures?

Also, dude, that…

Some whores are cheap.

I mean, that’s not really much different than the way it is now, is it? A few stacked teams, a few really bad teams, and and a bunch of mediocre teams.

The Cubs have been doing this for a few months, but with better props.

As a Packers owner, I support the protests

So here’s a question: can a player be ejected while a ball is in play? Maybe that was just a “GTFOH, John” wave that Baker initially gave Lackey as the pitcher ran in to back up the play at the plate/get his tantrum on, but in theory, could that have been an official tossing? Would Lackey have then been ineligible to…

Dude, millennials aren’t just people born in the year 2000, they’re also people who came of age in or around the year 2000. The millennial generation started in the early-mid ‘80s. We’re like, 30 today. We know there used to be arcade cabinets in places like Pizza Hut.

Halo Top’s main selling point is that you can eat an entire pint in one sitting for about 300 calories. THAT’S IT. Not that it tastes great, just that you won’t have to feel guilty for being a pig.