nah

Oh omg this just reminded me so vividly of my own similar experience: I was in college, watching a movie with this guy I was sort of seeing. Not a lot of comfort between us, yet, is what I mean. Still in the hiding our farts phase. But I really liked him. He lived in an old house with a bunch of housemates but they…

Excellent.

My friend went into a Target yesterday, and saw a bunch of onesies that said “Future President” in with the boy baby clothes. There were no such onesies on the girl baby clothes side. She took half of them off the rack and moved them to the girl side, which is why we are friends.

fuck off

Hi Dan—

Also

The lies of depression can exist only in isolation. Brought out into the open, lies are revealed for what they are.

I don’t know about rashes and blisters, but those stupid things didn’t moisturize my lips at all, the balm was gone in about 2 minutes, and the shape is so incredibly difficult to deal with if you want to put it in a makeup bag instead of just letting it float lose at the bottom of your purse.

One day, I’ll fly home in my google drone copter, inject my intake port with a revitalizing shot of Gatorade nanoparticles, check my wrist display to check in on my kids, who live in orbit around Venus, and plug my neckport into the entertainment box where Abram’s head, now attached to a synthetic body that shines…

We’ve been lobbying for a book with illustrations by Tara Jacoby.

We didn’t get any further than making out in this dream, though dream-me was sure thinking about it... And thank goodness for that, because while I was making out with Alice Cooper, he turned into a large black panther.

Forget my weirdest sex dream, LET’S TALK ABOUT SPIKE. Good god, I would do very bad things with that man, (with his fake accent)

“There’s the strapless bra I ordered online and only wore one time because I realized I would rather have my straps showing than deal with ever having a bra slide down to my waist again”

oh my god, my incredible crush on Seth Green just came raging back. ohhhmygod.

“Anyway, you can get what’s essentially a Keurig for baby formula now.”

My dad used to joke when I had braces that all I needed in addition to those railroad tracks were glasses and then I would never find a husband.

Remember kids: Black Lives Matter is a bunch of whiners who are looking for reasons to be offended. The real oppression is a lack of Christmas iconography on your coffee cups.

I used to comment regularly on Jezebel for years (under a different name) and stopped because of the feeling the author describes when someone she assumed would be an ally made her feel unwelcome.

Shocker - a mom who makes lists, does Internet research, befriends and observes other mothers, and then applies what she’s learned on a daily basis is generally seen as a good mother. Just like you learn and excel at any other job.