I like in New Jersey, and fucking guffawed when they read that text message outline. We call that a ‘starter home’ here.

You know what they* say...you only serve two days: the day you walk in and the day you walk out.

Today is the one day in my life that I feel like having kids is holding me back! We can’t get a sitter and ugh...holidays are next week. Who knows when I will get to see it. I’m dyin’ over here!

“I think with my mouth, so I don’t lie”

but the dogs were at daycare

I totally believe this - I grew up someone who is mega famous and she was telling me a couple years ago that people are really shitty to her KIDS, if you can believe that. Something was in the news about her and the kids at her daughter’s elementary school (the one we went to a matter of fact) were riding her poor…

Totally OT, but where is this gif from?

Me too...1440 a month sounds like a pretty standard rate.

Real talk: I thought it was fairly common knowledge that Gavin Rossdale was kind of a douchebag who cheated on Gwen Stefani on the regular. He lied about his ‘god daughter’ who was actually his daughter and GS only found out about it after they were married already and oh my god why do I know so much about this?

I am not a fan of Jennifer Lopez, but Leah Remini is a massive ball buster and it makes me happy thinking of the two of them cackling together at that wedding.

I mean, the fact the Lady O tried to help them out in the first place is heartwarming. He turned into a bit of a shit it looks like though by pouncing on her like that, if I have understood the story correctly.

How do you pronounce this guy’s name? Pew Die Pie, or PewdiePie (Pewdy Pie)?

These fucking people are in giant echo-chambers where everyone says yes to them and tells them how terrific they are. This giant GOP circlejerk just re-affirms it. No one thought this was necessary other than the GOP - and even then, they lost support as their brethren kept ‘accidently’ telling journalists this was…

Bernie Sanders probably sprays kids with the hose on Halloween while yelling at them in his trademark crescendo about how they are ruining his lawn. I just can’t get behind a guy like that.

Hillary fucking brought it yesterday. She is intelligent and formidable. I can’t “feel the Bern’ because I absolutely cannot imagine President Bernie Sanders speaking with such presence.

When I am at the beach and they get all twisted and upside down FUCK YOU KITES.

Preach. I hate to be that guy, but I feel a bit better hearing you say this.

I hate to say this because they are one of God’s creatures, but you have to kill them. They come right back in if you don’t. Mouse poop is very dangerous...I have a toddler and I am not kidding when I tell you it keeps me up at night worrying about him getting sick because he somehow ingested mice feces. Yes, I know…

By this and the associated comments, I can assume that in the opinion of the average xenophobic Democrat anyone who chooses to not live in the midst of modern urban society is somehow less than human.

In NJ too....sandwiched between two of the biggest cities on earth. No part of this state is more than an hour from either Philly or NYC - yet we have fucking rednecks who think Trump is the man and we need to to set the illegals on fire.