Hot female artifact collector is also a kung-fu expert because ... She has been hanging out with mutant turtles heavily schooled in ninjutsu for years and is continuously in danger from foot ninja attacks. I'd learn some martial arts too if I were her.

I purchased 2007's TMNT on Blu-ray, motivated only by blind nostalgia, and look how I am repaid — a portal that spews monsters every 3,000 years because of course it does, the same Raph vs. Leonardo story from the first Turtles movie, a cheap-ass twist towards the end and seriously, why the hell is April fighting…

Mike, you're obviously trolling now.

Maybe the Michael Bay-produced love-action film won't be so bad?

We (meaning the Kotaku commentariat) obviously cannot apply long-term fixes for you—and it's clear you know this.

Dating advice for the guy geeks out there:

Dating's not nearly as hard as it's cracked up to be. I've been married for a few months now (and we were together several years before that), but when I was still dating, I (slowly) learned the following lessons: (INC TL;DR post)

I look forwards to seeing the Dr Nerdlove questions in 10 years time when people are writing in complaining about their virtual reality partner program being unfaithful.

How to be popular with the ladies (a .gif uploaded by Bob,)

You can't miss out little tool called AdwCleaner, I combine it with Spybot (+sometimes Malwarebytes) and MSE.