Federica Pellegriniis trains using a new technique. She trains in a pool of carbonated bubbly water. Her coaches claim the water is naturally sparkling, but we know the truth.

Told after the game that he was being sent to AA, Borenstein said, “No, really, I was sober.”

In episode 2F09, when Itchy plays Scratchy’s skeleton like a xylophone, he strikes the same rib in succession, yet he produces two clearly different tones. I mean, what are we to believe, that this is a magic xylophone, or something? Ha ha, boy, I really hope somebody got fired for that blunder.

They found themselves embracing passionately, by the rolling, illuminated waves of the deep blue LED, staring into each others eyes and... then returned to business, squashed by societal norms and the unspoken rules of the game.

I thought Scat Packs were a Mopar thing.

Jonah Muniz, Mabel Gondres, and Lorrie Pearson discuss their findings with local authorities.

Such poor planning. No security, or velvet ropes, and you arrange the expensive ass art like a giant game of fucking dominoes.

Hitters. That’s who hates Rivera.

This may not be the best time to wish to be American.

Pontiac guy here to nitpick:

$1.30 a pound. You can’t even get deli bologna for that price. Oscar Meyer on sale maybe. Neither one will be this yellow either. NP because sandwich math.

Note found in box:

He was good, friendly, affable, generous man. With a family. A small daughter. Who tortured and killed animals to entertain a mob.

What? Nobody on the internet made him climb into a circle and try to kill a fucking pissed off bull. If you want to grieve for his family, maybe he should have had them in mind when he decided try to slowly kill dangerous animals for a living. He died doing something dangerous and barbaric in a silly costume- that is…

“You know what I like.”

Why does Steph want to give Lebron the Run-A-Round? It seems like a sure fire way to speed things up, but all it does is slow him down.

Alien day being on 4/26 is goddamn stupid. It should fall on the 426th day of the year, dummies.

The meeting seemed to be going well. Then suddenly, for no apparent reason, my colleague and I were tired.

Because everything is improved by a Stan Lee cameo:

One pill makes you larger, and one pill makes you HOLY SHIT THE GROUND IS MOVING WHAT THE FUCK RUN