I have a fairly vivid memory from my youth of either the instruction booklet for Super Mario Bros. or a Nintendo Power strategy guide saying something along the lines of, “Mario can jump on eight enemies in a row - kids, have an adult help you with this tricky maneuver!”

For what it’s worth, that pitcher couldn’t find his spot if someone gave him a flashlight and a map. Watch the catcher’s setup before every pitch (at least from the 2-2 count on). I don’t know if he necessarily would have been sad to hit Siri, but I’m not sure he could have located anything at that point.

Two thoughts that are entirely unconnected to any value judgment about the situation, no deeper point, just things that popped into my head.

Wait a minute. The fucking mascot is named JAXSON DEVILLE? Like, someone stuttered trying to say the name of the shitty city and someone thought “THAT’S IT!?!?!?!?”

Literally the dumbest commenter in the entire Network Formerly Known as Gawker. Never change, Zukka.

I try not to be a Dombrowski apologist, especially since other than Sale he hasn’t made a true impact trade yet (don’t sleep on Nunez though). That said, it really doesn’t seem like there’s a legit bat out there who’s available for anything that anyone would consider reasonable. I’ll take a solid 1-2 innings per…

I’m rarely in the “gee, why can’t we get guys like that” crowd, but Beltre is the exception. Stupid move then. Stupid move now. Guy absolutely should have retired at Fenway.

Rheal Cormier. Man that sucked. I think he might have even attempted a comeback, but it was quite short-lived.

Why? Let’s play out the two options here:

Less than 800 words; no meandering, navel-gazing, faux-literary digression into the history of the U.S. team, the Gold Cup, Jamaican soccer, and Messi’s role in all of it; no unnecessary and distracting dig at the quality of MLS play...

oh God, just shut up and eat your bucket of doomsday prepper glop, snowflake.

Yeah I generally think if you’re over the age of like 14, and you’re not there with your young son, you don’t bring a glove to the ballgame. But if your kid is with you, you bring that glove because A. it might help you catch the only free souvenir you can find in the park, and B. instant hot dog/peanut/ice cream…

Right. Felger is the guy who read the whole novel and will look erudite next to anyone who didn’t also read it, but next to someone who has, it will be clear that he missed the whole point.

I can’t deal with Felger and Massarotti at all. The former is somehow both an obvious and transparent troll and yet still unaware that he’s not the smartest guy in just about any room he enters, and the latter thinks he’s the only person who truly understands the game of baseball. They are fucking awful. Of course,…

It’s pretty fucking simple. A hot dog is a sandwich, because a sandwich is a food item where some sort of protein, meat, or other filling is combined bread that is used as a vehicle and binding apparatus.

All this does is show me that we really, really need to have a Little League-style race at the All-Star Game where two guys take off running, one down the first base line, one down the third base line, and whoever circles the bases first is the king.

Right. One would have to be a seriously deranged LSU fan to actually think one has beef with the call.

I hear what you’re saying, but the LSU call isn’t remotely nitpicky. The runner went so far out of the path, he misses the base with his BACK. The outstretched foot and attempt to grab the fielder’s plant foot were just gravy on the shit sandwich that was that slide. Stupid, stupid baserunning.

Wait. What? Are you talking about the batter-runner or the runner into second? Not that it matters, because both are out. Time isn’t automatically called when an interference takes place.

Your concern for the long-term health complications suffered by artificially generated groups of pixels is truly noble.