Guys, please go outside.

I've seen the whole series, but the first time around I didn't get paid for it!

Being a cog in corporate America has its perks!

My schedule is such that I work Saturdays and Sundays. It completely sucks. On the plus side, there's absolutely no supervision or accountability so I usually just come in for 8 hours, watch Netflix/Hulu, and then leave without doing a goddamn fucking thing.

True story, I saw Evander Holyfield in a Chic-Fil-A once.

I wish I had a job where I could pay myself a $1 million bonus. Instead I'll just have to be happy with getting a burrito for lunch once a week from the food truck.

That's what Jack White should change his name to, since everything he's done after Icky Thump has completely sucked*.

Better than small hands.

I mean, I just figured out that "Chic-Fil-A" is supposed to be like "chicken fillet". I shouldn't be allowed to live without a caretaker.

As an organization it's really in scrambles.

You're a lucky, lucky little boy. You know why? 'Cause you get to drink from the firehose!

#nineseasonsandthensixmoreseasonsandamovie

Knock it off, Fluttershy, make yourself a dang quesadilla!

Tom Hanks wishes that he wasn't big, but then he becomes Marlon Wayans in Little Man.

Stephen Colbert gave the nickname to him.

See also: The Big Bang Theory

And you don't wanna piss off those breast cancer people. Those are some rude titties.

My "Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos" button is more relevant than ever.

Do you mean Sunshine? Because I always get them mixed up.

An Assography