You paid… to see that. I'm so very, very sorry. I watched it on syndicated television and I still wanted my money back.

Oh lord. I saw Robocop 2 in a drive-in theater. It was a thoroughly uncomfortable experience; loud, crass, bloody, and with little of the clever social commentary that made Robocop a classic in spite of Paul Verhoeven's indulgences. It's just a rotten film that left me feeling dirty all over. I'd rather see the…

There wouldn't happen to be a Virtual Pinball version of this, would there?

I'd call Bill Maher a weasel, but that'd be an insult to mustelids. I'm stunned that he has the brass to take credit for Milo's downfall when he brought him on his show for an interview that was as hard-hitting as a Nerf dart. The only people who really took Yanno-whatever to task for his past behavior were Larry…

Like a pebble.

Steve "Wife Beater" Bannon should be our first target. Trump is a nutty old man with early onset dementia… Bannon is using him as a puppet to achieve his goal of turning America into a fascist state. He's the real threat.

The Nationals? As in, like, the National Socialists? He seems like he's always in that ballpark.

I hate Donald Trump and his thugs. Where's my free ice cream? Geez.

Yeah, but in two months, he'll be a whiny piece of shit with nukes. Doesn't that make you feel warm all over? I mean, from the radiation.

You have the right to say what you want. Others don't owe you a platform for it. For instance, if you're going to tell people Obama came from the planet Muslotron, Google isn't obligated to put its ads on your site and give you money for making stupid comments.

There was an old cartoon sketch on Saturday Night Live called Shazzang, where a genie rescues two children from an evil rajah… then tortures him to death, eventually feeding his grieving mother to starving rats and using his remains as fertilizer. What I wouldn't give to see Nancy Grace get the same treatment.

Seriously! Makes me mad that they think a "reboot" is even necessary.

There is nothing wrong with The Late Show with Stephen Colbert. Okay, the bandleader chuckling at all the jokes is something I've hated since Leno, but Colbert's show has been consistently hilarious from the start. The Oreo skit? Brilliant. His recent candygram to Donald Trump Jr.? A rapid-fire barrage of great puns.…

Jimmy Fallon is useless. He's cheapened late night television by turning it into an hour long stupid humans trick segment, inviting Craig Ferguson's replacement to do the same, and now this. It's like inviting Cthulhu to your show and asking if you can play with his hideous mouth tentacles.

Yo, French Silk Blizzard.

You'll probably miss this, but I've nevertheless gotta ask. What the hell happened to Wimpy Burger? It was portrayed as some kind of all-devouring fast food monster in progressive rock songs from the 1970s but it seems like a total non-entity now. I'm an American so I'm not totally familiar with the chain. What led to…

Hey, at least they canned Wil Wheaton as a guest editor.

I can dislike Chic-Fil-A because it's really bland, right? I thought Southern fried chicken would have more substance.

They're still doing that? Nifty! I liked that one too.

Augh! Too much harvest gold! I'm dying from the 1970s tackiness! (melts)