I’d say he looks like a Muppet, but that be disrespectful to Muppets.

He looks like a Madame Tussuads dummy that's half melted from lack of climate control.

No that’s Duplo. Diplo is a type of dinosaur

He also has to grumble about progress and oversee constant murders on his behalf. It’s super nuanced.

Want to feel old? The movie Shrek came out 22 years ago.

SOME…

“Freshou, Seymour!”

I always assumed it was an adaptation of Marjane Satrapi’s award winning graphic novel Persepolis about an Iranian family fleeing to the West in the wake of the 1979 theocratic revolution, only giving the Ayatollah’s and the Shah’s forces giant robots to fight in to make it more interesting.

Enormous Scottish cops, if my Irvine Welsh serves me well.

Oh, I thought it was another schlocky cheapo action movie, like Sharknado, except about a megalodon. Wait, that’s The Meg.

He’s determined to live long enough to make 4Planet 4Earth.

“We spared all expense.” -Kinja

Kinja was team "fire everybody who knows how it works" way before Twitter made it cool.

Don’t care about the song.

I love that they even parodied the glossary.

Doon was okay, but I really liked National Lampoon’s earlier parody, Bored of the Rings. I think both books really influenced the humor of the the 1970s/1980s such as the absurdist humor of the Zucker-Abrahams-Zucker movies/shows like Airplane!, Top Secret!, Police Squad, and the Naked Gun series.

It doesn’t help that Diamonds just wallops you in the face with aggressive 1970s-ness. Colorful go-go jetsetting 1960s cool? Nah, that’s passe--make everything brown and orange, dim the lights by 20%, and give all the villains ridiculous muttonchops.

Oh man, seeing Connery strut around that shitkicker redneck podunk casino in the classic white-jacket tux while everyone around him seems to be wearing denim is oddly depressing. Like, thanks for making the effort, but you really shouldn’t have bothered.

Goldfinger is peak Bond vibes, no question, but the older I get, the more amusing it is to me that the entire third act of this globe-trotting story takes place in Kentucky.