It’s going to be one of those races that rivets the attention of the entire country: bathroom completion vs. mathematical elimination

Laugh if you want, but the envisioning things as other things industry has increased its contribution to the world economy 100 fold in the last 2 years, from one-tenth of a bitcoin to 1/100th of a Euro.

He hit the equivalent of the criminal justice lottery; his question “Do you know how I am?” worked 19 consecutive times on incurious law enforcement officials.

I hope to God they vote Kendrick Perkins with something ironic like Most Hustle or Not the Most Egregious Waste of Space and he gets winded halfway through the trek to the stage and has to sit down.

On the plus side I’ve increased my block element rate to 300 elements blocked per minute, approaching Guinness Records territory.

If we can’t come to a national yearly consensus about the level of graciousness shown by a losing collegiate basketball coach, it bodes ill for less important issues like global climate change and whether they should complete the Paul Blart Trilogy.

I’ll never forget the animated discussion this provoked on alt.hate-duke.sports.die.die.die

“No college basketball team is more virtuous than another.” (looks skyward, gives thumbs up) (Jerry Tarkanian smiles, is given his wings)

Defense Lawyer: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, we have only one witness. Tom Brady!

Nationals Parking Attendant: Sorry sir this space is for compact cars, and you’re in a mini-SUV

And Bobby #13 pushes someone off the helicopter leaving from the Saigon embassy.

SPOILER ALERT: in the final episode, they all form the Symbionese Liberation Army and Sally robs a bank.

"When Alexander saw the breadth of his cubicular time-wasting, he wept for there were no more facts to be checked."

I can’t wait for his post-NBA career, possibly hosting a sports talk radio show in Chicago called Mind the Gap.

I was wondering when Roger was going to eschew the rat race and get a job as a hanging judge.

Finally, a sport he's actually interested in covering.

Ghost of Ernie Banks: Let’s play two!

“Well this game is producing nothing of value and is being done in a place that is shadily financed and under-constructed.”

“Cups? What is this, the Ritz Carlton?” — Chicagoans