Is being 6' 3" the new 6' 2"? Because I'm 6' 2"…ladies.

Who gets to be the conductor?

…cause complaining is fun?

Nah, that's where it really picked up.

Meanwhile I was just over here like "Hey, maybe I don't need to insult a woman's appearance in a newswire article where it's completely fucking irrelevant!"

If he were a book he'd be two books?

I want to step into the next door universe where Guillermo made The Hobbit and Edgar Wright made Ant-Man. No other reason for wanting to escape this timeline. Just that.

Was this actual text? I assumed it was like a summary or something.

If by "the meat" you mean "your mom" then yeah.

I mean, there was that whole thing with the Irish…

Is it okay if I think both versions of this movie look like a piece of shit? I'm not really down with self serious gritty reboot, but above-it-all ironic camp sounds just as unbearable.

Of course you would say that, you have the brain pan of a carriage tilter!

I'm with Herr's.

I always picture such aggressively generic fair as being the result of a studio exec's calendar saying KIDS MOVIE GOES HERE!! with a bunch of arrows pointing at a date about a year away.

No joke, I was just in a diner that still sold "freedom fries" and "freedom toast." I thought it might be ironic but then remembered I was in Indianapolis.

I'm not sure the outrage being performed in this article is warranted. If I had written an antagonist whose line became part of the zeitgeist, I might be kind of proud of that, while still thinking those people are idiots. Just seems like a normal human thing to feel, you know?

And then a car eats her!

Given the amount of pure horseshit the GOP gave Obama during his presidency I can't imagine something similar never happened, but a cursory google search turns up nothing but conservative conspiracy theroires from his presidency.

Did we just walk in a circle?

That's hilarious. As someone who lived in Seattle for a while, I think it's dead on.