One of my kids got lice at a slumber party and I didn't even know till I got a call from the school nurse to pick up my 3 infected children. I was less humiliated the time I slipped on ice and split my skirt up to my waist and in front of my crush and most of my high school.

I just feel like there've been so many of this exact same movie made! Maybe I'd've been more interested a few years ago, but I just can't cough up another $13 for Christian Bale yell-whispering about his duties.

The bit when someone bathed in the dust of a red heifer to atone for abominations was especially moving.

Yo, it's not Ridley's fault that brown people just don't look brown enough.

Someone make Leviticus: The Movie. I want a movie all about the hazards of sitting on a chair that has previously been sat upon by a woman on her period.

I agree with your last sentence. And by the way, that happened to me one time a couple of months ago. This tall, heinously gorgeous man was walking near me, and I had to stop in my tracks, and make it look like I wasn't staring, but really *Isecretlywas*........

Let's say that somebody else dressed like that. Somebody. Anybody. Could be your neighbor Bob. Could be Oprah. You'd say to yourself, "Blech. Oprah is dressed like an asshole." Why? Because that outfit is the official superhero costume for Captain Asshole. So being Jared Leto is no excuse.

Too cool for regular shoes, too lazy to use the ties, or zippers, or buckles...

A little too breezy today for that shirt.

I simultaneously hate and love this. Hate that I love it? Okay fine I just love it.

Somebody skipped leg day. Never skip leg day.

The angry sack of building materials is grimacing at the police officer riding his skateboard.

Not one but two smoking hot Lisa Bonet husbands in this edition. Damn, Lisa Bonet. Just damn.

IS LENA DUNHAM IN A GODDAMN BABY CRIB?? It fucking LOOKS like she is. It would not surprise me one fucking bit with her goddamn fucking obnoxious baby fucking face and baby fucking bangs and baby fucking quilt and baby fucking pillow and her goddamn baby fucking everything. WHY AM I SO MAD ABOUT LENA DUNHAM?! I DON'T…

You know what? I'm straight and I don't want to sleep with most men. Break that news to them if you want to see them really stunned.