“I didn’t want to hug him. But I didn’t know how to get out of it.”

Despite the plethora of white talent involved (Zach Galifianakis, Isla Fisher, Gal Gadot)

My dinky home surround-sound system makes me callibrate the distance from the listener location to each speaker within a foot.

if his album is not nominated in no categories, I’m not showing up to the Grammys

Huh. Alright then.

So how come contrabass means SUPER bass, and not the opposite: treble?

I assumed it was obvious.

Ideas matter. Buildings don’t.

What are the lines in that photo supposed to symbolize? That Dylan is a tic-tac-toe game?

Yeah, but are there any white people on this show? I’m not sure I can relate.

Yet you’re allowed to become a priest, tell vulnerable people that they’re sinners and going to suffer forever as a result, and then hold out your hand for a tithing?

The BK party limo sketch was the funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time.

Never buy salted butter. Butter your food and salt your food separately.

the train hauled 2,000 bodies at its height from 1894 to 1903

your average porn viewer could file a lawsuit against porn workers deemed to be in violation of it, requiring their real names and addresses to become part of the public record.

Jessica has to give up the “-agu-” in the settlement?

I always think joggers are assassins now.

The average life expectancy for a panda is around 20 years in the wild and just over 20 years in captivity. Jia Jia was around 114 in human years, and she lived every single one to the fullest.

If you have a $100 testament to bad judgment, you’d think you could afford some stems for your wine glasses.

Just ride in the middle of the lane like a car (your right as the operator of a vehicle) and you won’t get hit by any doors.