But Not Sure's a man, not a woman.

If you get your phone service on-contract, you're getting ripped off. Full stop.

Only suckers have insurance.

This is why I permanently disable the airbags in any vehicle I own. It's not worth the risk when unexpectedly giving rides to small children.

I guess not everyone on the island is chill.

Do you really say "eff ay cue?" I treat it not as an initialism, but an acronym: "fack"

I wonder what's the worst they could charge him with. On the surface, it doesn't look any more severe than simple trespassing. Is there anything else they might throw at him?

the woman's blood alcohol content level was .413

No no no no no no no.

Isn't that an inside-the-wall electrical box? Is this place even up to code?

But that's not a shrimp.

Yes, yes, and yes.

No. I don't knit on planes either, but I'm OK with people who do.

Hmm. I'd say: a hard "depends."

Shailene Woodley.

Believe it or not, but I've somehow mastered the art of wiping my ass without getting shit on my hands in the process.

I wouldn't; it would probably make a mess. I just don't have a problem with the act of trimming body-stuff itself.

You sound like one of those people who washes his hands after going to the bathroom.

How is it worse than clipping coupons?

Oh, don't worry! I only wear Crocs when flying. My feet will be well aired-out.