Ships are referred to as “she”.  So the red is to attract sea-men?

*Extremely David Attenbrough voice*

Sadly, every ship’s mate has sailed.

huh.

I’m surprised it doesn’t look more like this:

That’s a Camaro front end.

If I remember my history, “sat on my Packard’s pan handle” was a relatively popular 1890's euphemism.

SALAD?!??!?

Bring me a shrubbery. 

You see this law as a hinderance to progress but just imagine the amazing modular vehicles that would have ensued if it had passed... Plus the wonderful Jalop encounters that would have happened spontaneously in bushes “hey buddy I think you are sat on my Packard’s pan handle"

I expect farmers to disassemble their cows and hogs, preferably near a smoke pit, to keep them from traumatizing my car every day.

The law is clearly insane, motivated by ignorance and panic...

Some of the wounded probably didn’t want to meet with Cruz out of fear he’d only worsen their injuries with a well placed punch to the nose and forearm shiver.

Photoshop? That's Microsoft paint. 

Super Dave Osbourne seal of approval!!

Official photoshop of this event raises more questions, however.

America’s flaming “gateway to hell” is called Phoenix 

See Americans, you can have a populist despot and have fun at the same time!

And, with BMW eliminating dispsticks in favor of electronic level sensors in the late 2000s, the Germans have been able to turn around and play the same trick on many unsuspecting owners!

Plus, they’ll never assume it was sabotaged. They’ll just assume it broke becuase it was French. Although that does kind of make the sabotage redundant.