It’s good for the prostate, anyway. I got prostate cancer history in my family so I’m trying to keep that thing as healthy as I can.

And yet here we are. I would propose a spectrum of non-precise temperature descriptions as follows:

Allow me to contribute a girl perspective on the tweezer thing. Women use tweezers for primarily one function - plucking various hairs that are not where they should be (if I was on Jezebel I would say this is because of the patriarchy, so it’s basically your own fault!), with an occasional sideline of digging out…

I’m embarrassed to admit it took me a very long time to stop reading Goodnight Moon to my kids like this:

Coldenfraumeschäger

I earnestly believe that a sincere desire to be President should automatically disqualify someone from being eligible. We need some kind of nomination process.

My Roomba scored its first kill last week. It was running in the morning while I was getting ready to leave for work. I saw a dark object on the floor near the Roomba and initially thought it was a piece of plastic that had fallen off. As I start walking towards it, though, I see that it’s actually a small tree frog…

There are two kinds of people in the world. People who masturbate and people who lie when they say they don’t. So few people truly don’t that it might as well be an honest to goodness abnormality covered in the DSM-5.

I think Drew is wrong about the positional room ranks. Really wrong, actually. Wouldn’t the offensive line be the BEST room to hang out in?

Sometimes I like to WRITE like I’m Christopher Walken, baBY.  It comes OFF as WEIrd and confuSING, but I LIKE to Do it.  

I think the running for president question is misleading. Like if I actually had to do real, honest campaigning (like the data driven, bland ass shit Hilary did) I’d kill myself within the hour. But if I got to run and govern like Trump (just say and do what the fuck ever?!), easy.

Hot : Luke Warm :: Cold : ? Why don’t have a word for something that’s mildly cold? Don’t even try to say “cool” because no one describes their luke-cold drink as “cool”

They way I see it, a fat guy getting the ball is like a dice roll modifier in D&D. Whatever the play is, if a fat guy does it, it’s one better than it was otherwise. Thus, a fat guy pick six is the pinnacle play in football. I mean, you’ve got a fat guy - in this case, almost certainly a D Lineman who’s almost always c…

his moist cherished private racial slurs

Maybe if the Browns go 0-0-16 we’ll be sucked out of this terrible timeline and back into the one where Biff never got his hands on the Sports Almanac.

Agreed. I would have sent the guy a check postdated to the year 66000

I can do that! Thanks!

police later clarified that he was crawling under a stopped train when it began moving.

“Before we give you the foot, can you describe it without seeing it? We just want to make sure it’s yours so we don’t give someone else’s foot to you.”

Feel bad for the kid but, in the realm of bad “TV journalism” (forgive the oxymoron), this story gave us this wonderfully written line: