Maybe if the Browns go 0-0-16 we’ll be sucked out of this terrible timeline and back into the one where Biff never got his hands on the Sports Almanac.

Agreed. I would have sent the guy a check postdated to the year 66000

I can do that! Thanks!

police later clarified that he was crawling under a stopped train when it began moving.

“Before we give you the foot, can you describe it without seeing it? We just want to make sure it’s yours so we don’t give someone else’s foot to you.”

Feel bad for the kid but, in the realm of bad “TV journalism” (forgive the oxymoron), this story gave us this wonderfully written line:

So this whole blog post was just a Draper joke. Got it.

I promise you, Steph Curry has Festus Ezeli blocked on his phone and would most likely, “I don’t know her” if you asked him about JaVale McGee. 100%

albert, they did that one sportscenter commercial that was kinda cool and funny but now it’s tainted, so, yes, some of us care. 

+1 fiendish plan

Well that was a deflating reply.

So make one then, instead of just indicating where a joke might be. Jesus.

This sounds horrible. I either eat them one at a time to be able to taste each flavor, or I just pile a handful into my mouth so I can’t taste any individual flavors. I’m not going to pick out a couple to try to make some new flavor out of them. If strawberry + chocolate were any good, then the good folks at Jelly…

How was human? 

Scrolled immediately down for Oregon.

The pass needs to reach a certain height.

Exactly. Thank you.

The bumpers are worse than irrelevant. They are an impedance. I’m not a great bowler, but I can usually get a couple of strikes in a game. I have never gotten a strike with the bumpers up. My “good” shot hangs over the gutter before curving into the pocket. I never noticed this until I tried to bowl with bumpers, and…

Dude, that guy dies about three hours after hitting send when all the parasitic worms come out through a new second bellybutton. 

Great now I have to beat off at work.