Allow me to confirm for you: dresses are, in fact, SUPER comfortable. The fabric barely touches you! There’s so much air flow! You’re wrapped in a slightly cool cloud all day! Dresses are the best, and (most) dudes are missing out by not wearing them.

“Son, we finished last with you; we can finish last without you.”
-Branch Rickey to Ralph Kiner, 1952

Or at least trim them down to a nice 2 or 3 setting on your trimmers. There’s nothing wrong with a little personal grooming. Just leave the blade guard on your trimmers...

Blasphemy. Those four seconds after you put it in your mouth are glorious.

Neither yours nor Drew’s lists mention bubble gum flavor. WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU PEOPLE?

this is why I simply just shit in the handicapped parking spot.

Shhhh, the hologram would be advanced enough to adjust for that.

Well see I think a tank top is different from a “beater”. A beater is a tank top meant to be worn as an undershirt that isn’t. So that’s the one in white or grey or black that gives off that trashy appearance in public. But a general tank top can just be a sleeveless graphic tee, and some of those have a larger range…

I’ve never understood the appeal of fantasy football and I can’t tell you how happy it makes me to know that even the people that play fantasy football don’t like it. Like, all my resisting the pressure to play was worth it.

Handicapped guy was being a total asswipe. No, we do not reserve 30% of all bathroom stalls in the country for the 1% who need it. Only a complete fucking moron would think that’s how it is supposed to work. It’s literally akin to arguing no one who can walk should be allowed to march up the handicapped access ramp.

What the hell, man? If I’ve got to take a shit and that’s the only open stall I’m going for it. It’s not a parking spot. I can occupy it while I take care of my business. Sorry you have to wait just like every other goddamned person, buddy. At least you have your own chair to sit in, ya prick.

Wouldn’t baseball VR make the least sense out of the major sports since the fields aren't standardized? Like a dude would hit a ball way back and you'd think it was gone because it went over the fence in your field, only to realize it was a routine fly ball at Petco Park or something.

“Matt” is really just Larry David, right?

My wife is so afraid of someone noticing her when she goes to poop, she actually keeps a 2nd pair of shoes in her desk so nobody recognizes her in the stall. She calls them her Shittin’ Shoes.

I was once in a public bathroom and as I’m washing my hands, a middle-aged guy in a wheelchair rolls in. He sees the handicapped stall occupied, along with all of the other stalls, and starts banging on the door, angrily screaming “Are you handicapped?! Are you handicapped?!” I remember thinking that the handicapped…

It’s about damn time people started coming back around to legalize ‘roids.  Look, I’m not giving my hard earned cash to sports organizations because I think athletes should enjoy their golden years.  I don’t care if Boots McGrady lives long enough to see his grandchildren; I just want a pennant.  Is that so wrong?  To…

As someone whose body temperature skyrockets the second the dew point reaches 60 degrees, I have long advocated for the right of my sweaty, hairy brethren to wear whatever clothes they need to keep this planet’s growing, deathly heat at bay. If you gotta wear shorts, wear shorts. If you need to free your feet and you…

I use the handicap stall every time I poop. It’s always cleaner and I like all the kicking room i gots in there. Really let’s a man relax while he’s trying not to let other people here him loudly fart out sprays of shit in a public bathroom and being labelled as “that guy” as you walk out in shame.