For a second there, Ryan Lochte thought he’d dyed and gone to heaven.

To be fair, the Raiders picked Sebastian Janikowski in the first round, and I’m pretty sure he could do that while drunk.

You pick a kicker that high if he can kick 75 yarders backwards. Holy shit, and I thought the Cowboys couldn’t draft.

Sidewinders is good. I also like Las Vegas Desert Storm and Quebec Nordiques.

He found it too hard to coach with 2 rings stuffed in his ears. The problem only got worse after keeping the Jack Adams trophy shoved up his ass

He should try for the Vegas job. Roy is beloved in that town.

He’s the absolute worst person. I played his son in hockey when I was 12 years old and we won the game. Afterwards, I went up to him and asked for his autograph. All the guy said was “I’m not Patrick Roy” and walked away.

Everything you need to know about where this franchise is headed can be gleaned from the opening paragraph (THIS WAS THE FUCKING OPENING) of a profile of their owner.

That haircut is business in the back, Megan’s Law in the front.

Just this week, I left my hockey bag in my car overnight after my beer league game. Woke up to a nice muggy morning, opened my car door and nearly threw up. After nearly 30 years of hockey, the smell usually evades me, but this one was an all-timer.

You and I come from different schools, sir.

What the fuck are you doin Phil

Why couldn’t 2016 just take the guy from Spin Doctors instead?

FYI, Teixeira is actually retiring at the end of the season, not Friday.

or the truth...”i need this guy to leave before everyone in the dugout realizes that this guy has more baseball knowledge in his pinky finger than i can even wish i had”

I’m 59. Do you party typically means “Do you smoke weed”?, at least in my realm. Once however, 30 years ago, my ex and I had become friends with an attractive couple. The women were in the kitchen at our house and the dude and I were hangin’ in the living room listening to tunes. He told me they were attracted to us…

He probably says it that way on purpose so nobody would confuse him as a grown man that spends waking hours contemplating pokemon...s.

This one time in college I was at a bar while suffering from allergies. Red eyed and slightly drunk, my friend and I started a darts game with two other people. After five minutes, one cornered me and said, “do you like to party?”