Listen, he just got over it in a week, okay?

It is not correct. Let it go. 

He’s been super racist/Islamophobic since 9/11 at least. 

He’s like the lost puppy who keeps getting found by the cute girls who wind up giving him away because they can’t break him of shitting the bed.

Apparently not.

Sometimes the universe gives you exactly the right thing.

“A private dick, hired by Bezos, a public dick”

“I want chicken nuggets and a beer”

I renew my statement that this is a far better tattoo than Seven Rings.

“I’d punch you out but I’d drop my ice cream!” surely the cry of the true leader and king.

“You’re a real big shot,” I yelled back to him, gesturing with one hand and holding my ice cream cone in the other.

I don’t think there are 2 words in English or many western languages that by themselves mean 1 thing but together mean something WAY out of left field.

I don’t think the timing lines up but wouldn’t it be stupid enough to be true if it was a reaction to the Gillette commercial?

Japan does it a lot with English. They inadvertently use swear words a lot because they think they're just exclamations and not bad words. 

I don’t have a problem with this. I was one of those truant kids, and back then it was the kid that got the ticket, so my dad didn’t care, but I had to find a way to get the $200 bucks or spend a day in anti-truancy classes on the weekend. That taught me that I really didn’t want to be in any sort of program and…

That’s what’s so crazy to me.  Of all the people I’ve ever known who had parents from Latin American or background from there, I’ve never met a one whose children didn’t speak English.  Not one.  Like, the only person who continues to share this opinion is someone who has no connection with any Latinos.

Terry Crews is a national treasure. 

Really? I say it to groups of girls and it’s perfectly normal. I’ll often laugh at myself internally right after I say it, and the more pedantic girls might as well (they know who they are) but “you guys” is colloquially gender-neutral

I would pay good money to see Nancy re-tweet this.

Your sister sounds like a monster.