Jesus christ fellow Pats fans. If you’re gonna start a knitting circle you have to invite me.

What you describe is so specific - did this happen to you a friend of yours?

I just read the entire Donner Party Wikipedia page. I thought maybe it might be one of those revisionist history situations, where George Dinner was actually a good leader who got unlucky. Spoiler: he was indeed terribly incompetent. Still feels unfair to compare him to Dan Snyder though.

To build on your #6, if you try to catch a ball barehanded and miss, you’ll get a few good-natured heckles. If you (an adult) try to catch a ball with a glove and miss, you will get ridiculed mercilessly ... potentially on the Jumbotron and/or Sportscenter ... until you are forced to leave the stadium, humiliated.

Strategic kitten reserves are a staple of any good party.

Dan Snyder looks like the manager at the grocery store you worked at in high school.

The Super Bowl was so boring that people at the party didn't even stop talking through the commercials. The hosts had locked away their kittens but let them out at halftime to entertain us because the game sure wasn't getting the job done. 

It’s fucking embarrassing.

Every team that loses a Super Bowl to the Patriots should be relegated to Canadian football until there are no NFL teams left except the Patriots and we can finally destroy the NFL for good. God damn these losers straight to hell.

Fun Fact: in the halftime show, Big Boi rode a Cadillac down the field for more yards than the Rams had in the entire first half.

Holy shit, your post is galactically comprehensive.

Last time a Tiger jumped on a pile of bodies it got a 7 iron upside the head.

AJ was the original volume chucker

I don’t know what all that means but I love it none the less

I’ve always wanted him replaced with great American hero William Tecumseh Sherman.

Would you like to hear more about my US Presidents fantasy team?

I know that neither side knew it at the time, but the Battle of New Orleans was essentially meaningless to the War as the treaty to end it had been signed 2 weeks before it happened. 

There’s no way Trump's favorite president isn't Trump

Considering how shitty of a person he was, I’d say complaining about Andrew Jackson should be allowed in perpetuity. 

Yes, but since Jesus also makes appearances in the Koran, I think you gotta give home the edge for cross-franchise awareness. And I believe that Mary is also mentioned more in the Koran than in the Gospels, so maybe she’s up there too.