Should have picked any other city for your fake Pats story, pal. You and I both know there are no Chargers fans in San Diego.

+1 Battle Hymn of the Republic

As a Patriots fan, I was fully prepared to basically disappear for a week while we were getting our asses kicked. However, because I never gave up hope either due to sheer faith in the team, pure delusional or a mix of both, I got to watch as New England curbstomped the Falcons to the tune of 31 unanswered points to…

In a privately paid for, non-taxpayer-funded stadium.

It’s the second biggest country in the world by population, steeped in tradition and with wonderful culinary creations. What’s wrong with celebrating that?

Toilet hoagie feels like a Magary move.

HEY NOW! No need to generalize us.

Whoa, whoa, slow down there. Who do you think he is, Al Bundy?

wow, the one deadspin commenter who isn’t a lawyer

When you’re a Jet,
You’re a Jet ‘til you die
From your first Keurig cup
To your last pizza pie.

When you’re a Jet,
You can eat on the can,
“You good?” to the wife,
You’re a family man.

You’re never alone,
You’re never intercepted.
You’re home on your phone—
When sleep is expected,
You’re well connected!

Then on the set
Of the…

No, this is poetic:

I sleep 8 hours a night, spend time with my wife, don’t answer e-mails off hours and I’ve NEVER been fired by the Dolphins.
Check and mate, shitbrains.

Fuck Pompei for acting like this is a normal, good thing & fuck Gase for being THAT asshole boss who doesn’t leave his employees alone ever. The fact that he’s a mediocre coach just adds the cherry on the shit sundae.

Fueled by five or six 20-ounce cups a day from the Kuerig coffee maker that is an arm’s length from his desk,

I’ve gone the other way. I sleep 13 hours a night and I’m in the office max 3.5 hours a day. Two naps in the afternoon. I’m crushing it—average performance reviews two times running, honorary mention for best lunch co-host for recruits.

The story about his wife might have made him one of my most-disliked coaches in the league. Help your wife out you fucking asshole! The Dolphins/Jets are perfectly capable of losing on their own, thank you very much.

I’m not sure I’d want to see the celebration itself, but the post-Strokepocalypse stroking out by the pearl-clutchers and Roger Goodell would be a sight to see.

So it should be on Syfy is what you’re saying.

The most unbelievable thing about a television show where The Rock won a Super Bowl with the Dolphins and now manages millions for players alongside the shotgun to the dick guy from Hot Tub Time Machine while some other heavybag goes from football to retirement to selling cars to GM of the Rams in 2 years is that the…

Show us on the bottle where the Budweiser touched you.