I’ve always done the Jacques Pepin omelette.

Or probable perpetrator of some sort of sex crime.

Miami will sign him to play safety.

Fresno sounds made up, like a city in a video game. Why must your turn Deadspin into a den of lies?

Reading that description, I’m Lisa Simpson seeing the advertisement for The Yahoo Serious Film Festival right now.

In the Biblical book of Genesis, there’s the story of Lot who was saved from the destruction of the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah. As Lot and his family escape, his wife turns to look at the destruction and is turned into a pillar of salt. 

Turning into salt? That’s asking a Lot.

Don’t be salty. I can’t be cured.

It could be the last time. We don’t know!

That show will be nice. 

It’s leaving everyone a little Black and Blue. I wonder what will come from the Aftermath. 

Every fifty years you can count on a Rolling Stones concert in San Francisco ending in a fracas. Time is on their side.

And Gronk.

You married a good one. And a great burner name. Second level shit there.

One of my favorite memories as a kid was going to a Red Sox game at Fenway and seeing a guy in the stands wearing a full Knicks uniform, jersey and 80's shorts. Sadly I can’t remember if the Knicks were playing that day. 

And as Curb Your Enthusiasm taught us, make sure you use spell check when writing the word Aunt. 

Somewhere, on a large pile of money, Tony Fossas laughs at “93". 

I had a Busch Light over the weekend. It was $2 at a minor league baseball game. I flinched when I drank it, as it was so jarringly bad. 

I think audience matters some. I remember in college a writing professor saying pretty much every class “pronouns = death.” I’ve been traumatized since and rarely use pronouns unless in a situation where context is well understood. To my best friend I’ll use “The Loyal We.” To strangers or co-workers, I’ll refer to…