But it does need more sprots, that’s for sure. 

Bless Ray Ratto.

Fantasy Player Who Deserves To Die A Slow, Painful Death

I remember more about your horse’s bowel issues than most of the last year. That’s probably on me but yeah. 

Why pay QBs $500K? Spread the wealth around to the other players. It’s secondary league/offseason football. Nobody is watching the XFL because of the QBs who can’t make 3rd string NFL practice squads.

Immediate solution: tape a phone with GPS to the puck and use Google Maps to determine where it is. This plan is without flaw.

I picked him up, swapped him 3 minutes before kickoff because, I dunno, didn’t check the weather report. Swapped him for Latavius Murray, who I had also picked up last week. Those 6 points of difference didn’t end up mattering, because of Damien Williams, Russell Wilson coming to earth, and Delanie Walker’s ankle.…

“You sayin’ there’s a room available?”  - J. Tomsula

Yeah, Belichick lives rent-free inside Adam Gase's head, but Adam Gase's head is a soggy cardboard box under a train trestle.

Yeah but nothing beats winning the dectuple of the Premier League, Champions League, FA Cup, League Cup, Cup Winners Cup, Charity Shield, Cup Winners Winners Cup, Premier Champions Cup Shield, FA Cup Charity Shield, and Champions Premier FA Cup Winners Charity League Shield.

Whenever a player (or coach) fails for one of my teams, I don’t want to see him succeed anywhere else. I hold no resentment towards the guy, but if he succeeds, then it means the problem is probably with my team, and that’s a bigger issue to solve than just finding a new player.

Good Head, Boner Combine To Get FCUM All Over The Internet

In today’s NFL, who’s to say getting the slotted guaranteed money for the No. 2 overall pick and retiring to your native Hawaii as early as possible isn’t “success”? Go home, Marcus, and don’t look back. You’ll be 26 years old, rich, and local hero.

Nice. A minor suggested adjustment from someone who spends about eleven hours a day thinking about alliteration:

Titans Tee up Tannehill, Tanking for Tua, Though Totally Terrible Team in Tidal Town will Take Top Talent

If he’s anything like me, he doesn’t like being hugged because the feelings of emotional and physical proximity are simply overwhelming for him and it becomes a sort of sensory overload when there’s firm contact with another human being.

I don’t have eyes in the back of my throat, champ.

As a Miami heat fan I absolutely reserve the right to be wildly over confident in this young man and what he and jimmy buckets can do to secure us a sixth seed in the playoffs and a first round exit at the hands of, I don’t know, the Toronto Raptors.

He would probably make really...shitty glue..

Oh my god the landing on the trailer hitch.