Oh, come on. My crippling alcoholism is a fine religion, if you ask me.

Title Nein

Does.... does this mean that anything is no longer possible?

Ted Cruz combines the charisma of a mortician with the political savvy of the kid who wears a suit while running for high school class president.

In the coral
The mighty coral
The lionfish dies tonight

Pictured: A Busted Up Phone Box

Approx. 8% of MLB players are African American, which is significantly down from its high in the mid seventies (I think between 20% - 30% but its tough because the 70's and distinctions between Afro-Caribbean and African American).

When the first American space station, Skylab, made its uncontrolled re-entry, it did so over the South Pacific and Australia. People found parts of the station, and there was some minor property damage, but nobody was hurt. 

I enjoy your work on Brooklynn 99.

Diner: “Can I have the double bacon cheeseburger, fries, beer and the injured player walk-through special please.”

Waiter: “Would you like the special teams player injury or can I interest you in upgrading to a starter?”

I searched “below average” and got a nice selfie.

“Who’s Deadmau five?”

this is your only good kinja

I saw Mad Max: Fury Road at almost midnight on a Sunday, which was fine, except I walked out of the theater more pumped than I’ve ever been in my life to run through walls and fight and shit, and it was 2 a.m. on a Monday and the streets were abandoned and I had to go home and go to sleep.

“This is why a man who had a chance to become the 24th MLB player to ever reach this accomplishment”

Great, now I've been made to feel inadequate by my personal lord and savior. Jesus hanging some real impressive dong right there.

This one’s the best because of the two casually working in the background.

“Yes, Laura. This month saw an increase in patient intakes by 6% and Susan is currently giving Robert an epic blowjob. Any questions?”

I’m beginning to think Trump is phenomenally dumb. And I don’t mean that like he can’t walk and chew gum at the same time (although not sure how I’d bet on that one) but that he lacks any knowledge of basic things about the world to an astounding degree.

Can I shit in your yard, though?

Once again, a black man discovers the Blues, but it’s white guys who make money off them.