Do Not Masturbate While Seated

New headline: Phillies propensity for KKKs leads to the Birth of a Nation-al League contender.

No way that bike race is in Brooklyn. All the riders’ bike wheels are the same size.

Never thought that I would regret turning down an invitation to watch a fixed wheel bicycle race held on a Saturday night but here we are.

He is still a fancy dog. Just a bad dog. A very bad dog, who doesn’t get to play with the ball.

One more throw, and I think the Sox would’ve really had the Rangers’ number.

Most of them are still trying to figure out how they can email a rock.

Also of note, walking four times sets a one-day record for people who live in Ohio.

I mean, it's no 700 ft. marble race, but it was all right.

I may be durnk, but this is good stuff.

Yea I would lose my life savings if this became a real thing.

Wings fan chucked the damn thing onto the ice in the third period, for no clear reason.

Not surprised that Josh Smith has found yet another way to leave his taint on the game of basketball.

Such a play is known as a Kobe, as it allows you to pass to yourself and involves an asshole.

Damn it, Raphael, you are a major symbol of the steroid era. Please stay away from baseball!

There are gamers who probably haven’t uttered a single word in MONTHS.

hot pork balloon

Rex Ryan is going to be a Buffalo legend by Week 6.

I wasn't popular in high school. This was long before the days I could walk up to a random chick and say, "You're with me, leather." I was just Chris Berman, painfully shy 17-year-old virgin. Well, as luck would have it, a girl transferred into our school mid-semester. I could tell she was desperate to be liked. And…

You mean Dolan has been sober this whole time?