More like alley-oops, amirite?

But once I am in the terminal and surrounded by airplane people, no amount of money on Earth can keep me from getting on that fucking plane and leaving. I don't even listen to the lady. She could be offering free houses for all I know. The second the word "volunteer" comes out, I stare at the floor and will the…

Of all the places I would prefer to spend my time, a small pool used by hundreds of Floridians in an NFL stadium is pretty low on the list.

I don't think it would be good to replace the NFL with clones; maybe create a separate league for just the clones.

When your boy is ready, this account is for him.

Parents Night is dreadful. Last year I was singled out by a teacher in a room full of judgmental parents because my 3rd grader, for the "art show", drew a picture of a chicken giving a horse a hand-job. Seriously. I have the photo prove it if you provide me with an e-mail to send it. When I got home, I feared…