I know we’re all dying in the Sylvia Plath sense but you’re not dying the way Chloe over there is dying.

It’s kind of comforting that, whenever I think I’ve fully explored the depths of stupidity, someone like Dan Dakich comes along to prove me wrong.  

What’s more is that Irsay is only rich because of his dad. Imagine Luck inheriting Mannings Colts stats and then saying “Hey I’m setting records here!” Generational wealth to that degree is a plague

Maybe, according to Dan Dakich, we pay our football players too much. A cursory google search shows that Andrew Luck has made about $50,000,000 in his “brief” NFL career. Clearly more than enough to retire comfortably on.

Dan Dakich’s family members who are steel mill workers, cops and teachers make considerably less…

Is there any other sport like American football where the fans and pundits feel like the players owe them something? And said fans/pundit industry feel they have a divine right to dictate behavioral standards to the players?

The fact that the NFL has made itself into a weekly orgy of vaguely fashy American nationalism can only hurt the popularity of the sport outside the US.

Unfortunately, research is showing us that Football is detrimental to your health even before you make a single dime. Like, High School early:

I agree with you, but (with a couple exceptions) the troops haven’t actually made anything “more safe” since 1945.

Also, he plays for a team with a demented goober billionaire owner on more narcotics than an entire bus of Merry Pranksters who spent years staffing an offensive line of folding chairs while Luck earned a medical degree by observing his shoulder reconstruction. Destroying your body for those fans? How many years can…

Andrew Luck’s retirement will only increase the primal urgency of Football Men to find True Football Believers to play football, so that they don’t ever question their faith in it.

This reminds me of the people around Wrigley Field in Chicago who complain about Cubs fans and concert goers.

I love driving my car, but very much miss living in Seoul where I could convenient get anywhere while leaving it in the garage and really wish I could do so in LA.

Thank you for this write up. Its perfect and ill just link to it when i see some racist asshole (is there any other kind?) on Nextdoor cite this WSJ post.

You are looking at former WWF wrestler Doink the Clown and someone else dressed like him.  A double Doink, if you will.

Dog dish of dough filled with Prego

Missed the WYTS deadline for this year, but four weeks ago the corporate entity that I pretend to work at while they pay me a meager wage decided to bring in a celebrity speaker to get us excited about filling out our TPS reports. Being Chicago, they hired Mike Ditka. After a painful incoherant 15 minute speech, that…

I live in Ham Lake, and this is a terrifyingly accurate take. The volume of cul-du-sac cowboys in these here parts is mystifying. Congrats on your 12 trucks and zero retirement savings you corn cobs.

“-Randy and Tammy, MAGA turds from the northern suburbs who have a pickup truck value that exceeds their home value and took money out of Braedyn and Kymlynn’s college fund to renew their season tickets but “aren’t sure” if they’re going to still support the NFL if players keep kneeling”

I like that, after about an hour, there still aren’t even any pending replies misunderstanding the point of this series and angrily defending this team’s honor.

Not a joke, I had to check this on Google. If you asked me about the Falcons before this moment I would have told you they were a 2002 expansion team.