“All that separated Verlander from a perfect game was giving up a walk to Cavan Biggio in the second at-bat of the game.”

Faith in humanity? It sounds like she lied to get money. 

That’s like saying Pearl Jam will never be Breaking Benjamin. I can assure you that they’re not trying.

Pretty sure the naked guy is Senator Rick Scott. 

“14 point deficit” might also describe what years of opiate consumption has done to his I.Q.

LEGEND! Played all the Ultima games. Used to drool over his Lambo driving around Austin. Got to attend his haunted house when I was like 12 (33 years ago!) and that memory is one of the highlights of my life. Inspired me to write video games through my whole childhood and teenage years and went on to become a…

he’ll look great in a redskins uniform.  

If LeBron’s goal was just to beat expectations by joining the shittiest team possible and making them less shitty, why would he ever leave Cleveland?

My guess is they wouldn’t let her use the bathroom because she didn’t buy anything?

“Horton, Here’s a Poo!”

At first I thought you’d come up with a really... clever insult.

Pretty sure that’s a parody of T-dog’s sexual harassment quote.

I think this is a transcript as related by somebody else in the room:

I would like to be on Dancing With the Stars because I want to be a star.

Glad to hear Evolve is getting a second life!

first season prediction: they maximize myriad robust synergies whilst simultaneously leveraging pre-existing yet forward looking infrastructure methodologies. also, lose a lot.

HIS FUCKING NAME IS NEAL.

Jesus.

Dude faked the whole thing just to get away from this harridan

The “companion” is an “I’ve berated an assistant manager at Kohl’s on Black Friday” starter pack.