Highbrow bonus

Some asshole stole Bartolo Colon’s belt and is showing it off in the background.

why yes we do

Whatever. I beat porn at least three times a day and I feel fine.

Manning: Like Forrest Gump said, “I got you some ice cream.” Just kidding. It’s my balls in your face.

Good God almighty!

The IOC would feel really bad about this, but in their defense, the bribes were exceptionally large.

Or his taste.

Hey look everybody, Andy Dalton made it to the 2nd round of something.

Um Golden State won

For those that are wondering about the threesome: Boras was screwing Harvey and the Mets at the same time.

If the internet contains a more distressing photograph than that one, I will just have to take your word for it.

Ciara already tried a Future upgrade; it didn’t take.

This motherfucker is so corny I swear Congress is gonna subsidize him in the next farm bill.

This has been an entertaining social interaction. I will now consume your soul. You will not feel a thing, and neither will I. I haven’t felt anything in years. It is liberating. Nothing matters but the rolling of the Tide. Soon the Tide will roll in and it will not roll out, burying us beneath a sheet of cold…

Is it just me or do Seahawks fans remind you of people who came into money quickly, only to discover they can’t handle being rich?