Her hair alone probably lives on $50K a year. It costs a lot to be a celebrity. Otherwise, God forbid, they would look like the rest of us and we wouldn't have any good reasons to hate ourselves.

My mother, the worlds largest prude (she thinks Dancing With The Stars is "stuff they ought to keep in the bedroom") LOVES 2 1/2 men. Watches every episode multiple times and attempts to tell me the plot, though she can never remember the characters' names (except for Charlie) and calls them "that little guy" and "the…

Since she burned the box, I am imagining that the ash comes in one of those tiny, little envelopes. Either that, or at x-mas time, pulls out a fist full of little baggies full of ash, with shit like "the time Brazil lost 7-1" and "that time I ruined that overrated band" written on them.

And just like Martha Stewart says, "That's a good thing".

"Without a genre" is a really nice spin on "meaningless".

"I do get that this person was despicable, but two wrongs don't make a right and all that"

Mmm...I disagree. Totally fair to get her on her own bullshit. Then again, I don't particularly give a shit about someone getting nailed on drug charges if the person getting nailed is an asshole, so.

Fuck her, as far as I'm concerned. That's totally just.

WTF with the fish guts lady? So you're planning out your day, and one of your thoughts is "Hey, you know what will be fun? I'll clean these here catfish and then I'll go to the cafe and make a waitress cry while I look like a disgusting freak?" THAT's how you want your day to go down? I don't understand.

You mean you didn't strip to pay for college, like every other girl out there?? For shame.

"If you had just gone to college ..."

Oh, FUCK YOU, lady. Fuck you so hard. Meanwhile Ellie Moore, you and I are BFF's now. It is decided.

The only time anyone ever dared to make a remark like this to me, I was working at Eddie Bauer on a morning shift. Some lady took umbrage to my (corporate mandated), "Wool socks are…

I'm glad I am not the only one who misses Bethenny Getting Married. I don't know why I was so addicted to that show!

The noodle aisle? This marriage is going to last forever! Congrats!

You guys! I just got engaged! He proposed in the noodles aisle of the grocery store, everyone was confused as to why we were so excited/happy/kissing. There was no kneeling (thank God!), only happy questions and smiling. Last night he asked my parents if they were cool with him proposing and I guess he had been…

I am going on record here to say that Jared Leto looks like the kind of guy who would be lazy in bed because he's hot. And also he would give you chlamydia.

I hate this attitude, which is why I wrote this a few minutes ago, explaining why I got mine: http://luckystampede.kinja.com/the-story-of-m…

Reminds me a little of my dad's approach to gifts. The man is a big, bearded blue collar worker with a heavy accent who loves Diet Coke, his garage, and above all, being whimsical. I wrote a poem in my tweens about how he'd "give me the world if I asked", so for Christmas he got me a globe. One Christmas during…

All my dad ever gave ME was an inherited anxiety disorder.

"I'm sorry honey, but he had twice as many dicks as you do. Two times the dicks. He doubled the net amount of dick available."

NEVER has this been more appropriate.

I can feel the self esteem of many men deflating as we speak.