The designated hitter.

Well this is a story of my grandfather at a moment of great family sadness and pain.

I’m sure everyone else has a better one, but this is my best shot:

How do they keep winning if they’re cheating? I mean, explain that to me. Cheating means someone loses. They are so good, that they win even when they cheat. You’re all jealous of this team.

In first grade, I don’t remember what happened but my first grade teacher, Mrs. McCarley, threatened to paddle every single one of us until whoever did The Thing confessed to doing it. (This was the 80s, so paddling was still a thing.) I did NOT do the thing, and I sure as hell wasn’t getting paddled for it, so I went…

I used to teach elementary art in a really low-income school district near Denver. One student, Franklin, was a third-grader who was homeless and living in a car with his mother at the time. The district and social services were aware and helping as much as possible, but mom was hard to work with due to some ongoing…

For whom are the court battles “embarrassing”? I am not embarrassed. Are you? It damn well isn’t the NFL, because - while “corporations are people, my friend” - I am pretty sure they can’t, you know, feel. And, even if they could, I am like, positive that the NFL would be the kind of person that doesn’t feel shame.…

“Ho means ho” - Tony Wyllie

The team is now claiming it was an indirect attempt to honor the Native American tradition of bartering.

This is true. We got a stroller for my mother at Disney one time. They gave it a fancy name like “willchare” or something.

Well we did build our stadium over an Indian burial ground.

Would you prefer it masquerade as news like on some other channels?

Ohhh... I didn’t actually see this event take place, but I think the time has come to sell out my father. (Love ya, Dad!)

Not a “worst story” but one of the sweetest. Sitting behind me once was a mom and her son. He was maybe six. She had woken him up that morning and told him they were going to visit grandma. About halfway into the flight, she broke it to him that they were really going to Disney World. Kid was beyond excited. It was…

$60M seems pretty damn low, no? Considering all of those NCAA athletes combined are still getting $40M less than what Hulk Hogan alone is going to be taking from you guys.

AN ACTUAL WORM

BUT YOU ARE A REAL WORM