There's also a joke about tandem bicycles coming with divorce papers. Last week I saw a three-person tandem. Could you imagine having to divorce your partner and disown your child?

I was in a two person kayak down in Turks & Caicos with my wife for about 27 seconds before I turned to her and asked her politely to get the fuck out.

There's a reason why residents of Kauai, Hawaii refer to two-person kayaks as "divorce canoes"

He's correct about the traveling together bit- totally revealing. Paddling a two person canoe is a cheaper way to stress test a budding romance, though.

This never gets old. And "no one will ever believe you."

Women love a hero. And Charlie is the Day Man, fighter of the Night Man. Ergo, women love Charlie.

This scene in Horrible Bosses? *pushes chips to center*

yeah...imagine playing this with no regenerating health, no peek around corners, no interaction prompts on the HUD, and using the keyboard arrow keys for movement/aiming. you kids today don't know how good you have it.

He's lost her. He doesn't know it yet but he has. Game over dude.

Period shits aren't always a health problem. If there's long term problems with your shits, that's a health problem, but if it's only happening during your period it's actually pretty common and something that is never really talked about within the context of "here is a period and here's what it is" - and it should…

Honestly, I think that's an abuse of the boss's power, not an example of an abuse of ROWE. A boss who understands the spirit of ROWE would have disciplined the single person who broke the rules, not the entire company - that's the definition of micromanaging, not to mention an overreaction.

It's hard to give a shit about that, though, when I'm working the closing shift and I know I'm going be stuck there anywhere from half an hour to a whole hour past when my shift is supposed to end, likely without a break because my boss keeps under-scheduling us, so if I get a break that means we'll be overrun. The…

We at Team Dog regret this incident and plan on investigating further.

Change the fucking art, dude. The chimp was a bad choice, even leaving aside the racial tinge. If you're going for a monkeys/typewriters joke, it doesn't work, because this is thousands of people churning out the exact same thing, not thousands of people churning out random garbage until someone throws out a Macbeth.

Yeah I'd say it's about time we say Solange to this joke

If you don't clean up after your kids at a restaurant, you are an asshole. I get that it may be a rare treat to get out of the house and not cook, but that does not mean that you get to do whatever the fuck you want. My one-year-old is very fond of throwing her food on the floor when she is tired of being in her…

Seriously, those and the people who bring Crystal Light into a restaurant can just fuck right off. It's about the principle at that point. You don't want to buy a drink? Fine, get water. Nothing wrong with that. But don't mix your own drinks at the goddamn table — that's just insulting.

...a lobster mac'n'cheese (ugh, I know)...

MAKING YOUR OWN LEMONADE??!?!

We walked in to find red velvet cake smeared everywhere — the mirrors, paintings, counters, floor, stalls, walls, and toilets.