Best man: "Y'all don't even know he was a virgin until he went to jail, and now...Roll Tide!"

Hey reporter, it's not "Alabama University", it's the "University of Alabama". Because this changes the story.

I had to stop reading at "...because I was like, I know, right?"

This seems pretty solid.

Yes.

Yes, in that they have both destroyed many inner cities. Sophisticated people eat chocolate bars.

Hmmm...I wonder if Hamza Abdullah has any thoughts on this...

...and then there's that video of the accident on the boat, where she got impaled with that harpoon

She got Hep C and God knows what else from Tommy Lee, a couple black eyes are nothing to her...

seriously, would it have killed you to add this?

Still better than whatever James Holmes and Peter Harden would team up for

are those guys behind her wearing leather masks???

...and MAYBE even gotten by with a seatbelt violation without paying a damn $116 fine.

Your point about it being at different schools is the key, and why it's not accurate to make comparisons of these things. Otherwise it would be like me telling you that you shouldn't punish your teenaged son for cheating on a test because your neighbor didn't punish his for getting a DUI. What happens at one school…

For the record, I like Schnellenberger and am a fan of dirty "rogue programs".

This is the perfect reply to that ridiculous comparison.

Yeah, how sympathetic do you think an actual slave would be to this comparison?

Exactly. I know people like to use the word "slavery" because it is a powerful attention grabbing word, but if they had any historical context they would choose a better simile. Players are free to walk away from the school/team at any time and go out on their own. Of course college athletes are exploited, but if…

It's even funnier since Howard Schnellenberger was their previous coach. Not exactly Mr Straightlaced Law & Order.

I'll agree with that.