So, nothing newsworthy happened?

“Well now it’s wasted! You’re still fucking alive!”

He now officially has a better prognosis than the Lakers.

In fairness, if you’ve gotta die, going out coked up in a brothel is probably one of the better ways. Right behind saving your entire family from the wreck of a burning battleship.

Weirdly I can totally believe they would boot her to make room for another passenger. I had an American Airlines flight cancelled one time, at the last minute and with no explanation. They did nothing to try and accommodate the passengers left stranded. And worse, they had overbooked the same Chicago->NYC flights for…

“If Kobe was his friend...Kobe, like, owns the team. He could’ve got the man back on the team...that’s all he wanted.”

“It’s important to keep every workplace drug-free. You don’t want people on drugs running the fryer at McDonalds.”

The cameras make it even more sincere.

My daily fantasy would entail not sitting in traffic.

If elected President I plan to regulate and tax daily fantasy as legalized gambling and use that revenue to build a wall between the USA and Mexico

Call it gambling, legalize gambling, and regulate it.

This better?

getting thrown out by Pablo Ozuna’s little noodle arm just adds to the embarrassment

“She describes her relationship with Matt Damon by saying it’s in “tatters” and notes that he apparently doesn’t handle conflict well.”

RIVERS: Fuck you, glove!! Get out of here!!