Listen, we had our chance to contract the Twins back around 2002. All they’ve done since is go 2-19 in the Playoffs- almost entirely against the Yankees.

Yep. Works for me.

I, for one, welcome our new Hezbollah overlords.

“BAH GAWD THATS OBAMAS MUSIC!!”

The only thing in this article that I completely believe:

Since this is obviously a made up story, in order to make it easier for everyone else to separate fact from fiction here, I’ve taken the liberty of going through the entire article and highlighting the things that are obviously make believe so readers coming after me can focus on the aspects of the article that may be…

I appreciate the suggestion...I never knew they made handheld models...and it does make sense to have something I can move to her.  Thank you for the help!

I appreciate the suggestion...I never knew they made handheld models...and it does make sense to have something I…

I just realized the beginning of my reply was EXACTLY the same as yours and that could changed the entire tone of my comment. I wasn’t meaning to be/seem bitchy! I just always want to talk about operation paperclip! Totally sorry if it came off that way.

“...in my great and unmatched wisdom...”

“ThE mInNeSoTa ViKiNgS tEaM nAmE iS rAcIsT tOwArD wHiTe PeOpLe”

Yeah, but we also brought all our favorite Nazi scientists here to help us get to space so I feel like everything has always been garbage and we should all be shot into the sun.

Smashing your dick with a hammer is better than contracting Stage IV Pancreatic Cancer, but I’m going to steer clear of it anyway. 

“Dan Snyder is the second-worst owner in professional sports” - New York Knick Fans.

Yup
Snyder is the worst person - by a distance - who owns an NFL team
And it’s not exactly a parade of 32 nice guys over there

The other main witness was fired from her job and had her professional credentials taken away.

“we fought the Revolutionary War” 

Where’s Judge Tammy and her hair stroking sheriff’s bailiff when you really need them?

Just damn

A sleeping giant may have been awakened. Unless this is quickly investigated and exposed, Dallas might burn soon.

Craziest shit is the jury’s responses: