Mario Kart Tour is a bust.

I live for this.

“Just make sure you play it portably, in bed, thirty minutes a night,”

Pffffft, don’t listen to this guy. He don’t know.

You make those five gallons of ramen, you strap on that goddamned diaper and you Dragon the fucking Quest until the credits roll or somebody finally finds your body.

THE DIAPER WAS THE WHOLE THING.

Hear, hear.

I’ve never agreed so resolutely with an editorial - this shit needs to be cried out from the rooftops.

A 100-110 minute runtime should be the goddamned baseline for theatrical releases. If your story genuinely requires more runway than that, do what you gotta’ do, but every major studio genre picture that…

I think Greg (the Egg) voicing panicked, breathless concerns about an “attack child” making it through a small window and into the “safe” room might be the funniest throwaway gag in 2019 TV, for me.

“Attack child.” Oh, Greg.

On a related note, HBO needs to fast-track a crossover show starring their three resident…

Hell, I even remember a bunch of coverage of Amazon Games back when they bought out Double Helix, who were just coming off their success of the Killer Instinct ‘13 launch.

Shit was definitely in the gaming news and that was, like, five years ago. You’re right, there’s definitely been a ton of coverage.

THIS.

This is exactly why I don’t play multiplayer games. They’re only “games” for the first, like, 24 hours of release - after that, they’re just massive asshole competitions that eventually grow into full-fledged Olympic events for assholes. It’s just a bunch of assholes, running around trying to out-asshole the…

YOU HEARD IT HERE, FIRST!

DIABLO CODY IS FINALLY GETTING INTO VIDEO GAMES!

“Ace Combat 7 should be THE game for VR but that’s relegated it to a handful of add on missions...”

Ooooof. That’s disappointing.

I was hoping the entire game would be playable in 2D or in VR, a la RE7.  Bummer. 

That’s a shame.

For the right kind of game (RPG’s or anything with a lot of number-crunching/stats/appendices), I do quite like having a nice hard cover guide in my lap that I can refer to.

FFXV was middling.

I didn’t hate it with the same intensity that some of the folks on this thread seem to have, but it’s a very flawed game that absolutely feels like the end product of a chaotic, directionless development.

I still liked it better than XIII, which really, really rubbed me the wrong way. Lightning felt…

Whoo-wee, that “fiery” Targaryen shoe is hideous. Who thought that high-top sneakers needed a hint of Afghan blanket?  It’s like the goddamned Cosby sweater of footwear.

The all-white kicks looks a lot better, but I know that I’d scuff those bad boys up before I even got them home.

“Who buys this shit?”

People who like and collect sneakers. Glad we could clear that up.

Moving on... 

Totally.

I fully expect the trailer to feature Mario farting directly into Luigi’s face after eating too much spaghetti and mushrooms, with the VO helpfully explaining that, “this summer, Shroom Happens.”

I hate Illumination.

I mean...this is pretty much why the Mario franchise, despite being Nintendo’s flagship, makes the least amount of sense as a film adaptation, animated or otherwise.

The core Mario games have been designed as interactive experiences built around their gameplay mechanics. A central gameplay mechanic, or set of…

Perfect Dark was an amazing design doc that was developed for the wrong hardware. It ran so poorly on the N64 that it compromised all the incredibly cool ideas that the team stuffed into it.

I always felt that Nintendo really should have had Rare shift development to the GameCube in order to both allow Perfect Dark to…

I STILL can’t stop raging about it.

I just got back from wandering around the entire D.C. Metro area, screaming at people about it.

I feel like I’m in Soylent Green - I’ve been running around, grabbing these poor, stupid hapless bastards by the shoulders and screaming into their slack, dull faces, “DON’T YOU GET IT?…

I definitely bought the Batman Forever soundtrack on casette tape but I can’t remember if that preceded my purchase of the Mortal Kombat soundtrack on tape.

Yes, THAT Mortal Kombat soundtrack. The Mortal Kombat soundtrack with that Mortal Kombat song where the guy just repeatedly screams “MORTAL KOMBAT.”

There was also…