Tenet isn’t a movie. It’s a simulacrum of a James Bond picture where each individual scene seems to mean something, but there is zero connecting tissue to hold it all together. It helps that everyone’s speaking in backwards iambic pentameter written by those famous chimps with the typewriters, as filtered through the…

“Don’t think, just gape.”

“the Blumhouse team . . . just smacks of hubris or a depressing lack of new ideas.”

Hey, he took a fat shit on Halloween, why not let him wipe his ass on the Exorcist?  Maybe Jaws can be next!

Say what you will, the only fun or interesting parts of the DCU other than the WW movie were Whedon’s writing on Justice League.  Literally the only sparkling moments in a vast bog of dour farts.

Or, and stay with me here, he’ll be playing Mel Gibson’s son inside of two years.

Man, when R. Patts breaks up with women, there’s no telling what they might do next. I mean, he must have put a whammy on Twigs to cause her to hook up with LaBeef.

“I just watched that one with my kids. It fucking sucks.”

You keep saying that but then you keep saying that so I think you’re lying.

You can’t? Why are you such a cunt? This skilled artist has dedicated the last few years of his life with the singular goal of delivering the best movie he can to theaters, and yesterday he found out it’s gonna be dumped in the trough next to Tiger King and Hubie’s Halloween and Fart City.

Oh really bro? Maybe you should take it up with with 150 million Americans who are at the fucking college football game and Applebees and the White House Garden and the Chainsmoker’s concert and your Aunt’s Thanksgiving dinner and the French Laundy and fucking everywhere right now.

No, because if you read the words at the top of this page he clearly said he was happy to have his movie delayed until it was safe to go back to theaters again.

Natalie Portman is the human equivalent of bad breath.

Woof, Falcon makes Hawkeye look superpowered. How many times can we watch him swoop around on his nifty hanglider!?

Wait: 10 year after Sith, meaning Christensen’s going to be in the helmet the entire time? If so, who cares that he’s in there? I care more whether James Earl Jones is going to be the voice.

Cyborg has a bigger role?  Are they also going to give him a personality?

The ONLY thing worth a shit in all of Justice League is the Whedon dialogue, which very occasionally causes the movie to be mildly fun.

Jesus christ, if she’s pushing the morose, depressed, lame version of the characters from the Snyder bombs, that’s the last thing I want to see. Justice League sucked fat butt, but at least the characters were mildly fun.

Here’s the pitch for a new TV show: Depp goes to live with Mel Gibson, who mentors him on how to come back from being an ultimate shitbag.

“Check it out if you enjoy feeling tense and sad!”