This reminds me of the time I saw Lord of the Rings and then I started summoning giant walls of water to expel ring wraiths from Rivendell.

I remember a classmate of mine didn't come to class for several weeks and it turned out she had been a victim of a serial rapist. One of our mutual friends described her experience with the words "assault does not begin to cover what he did to her." When I saw her after those weeks her face was still bruised. Those…

If you visit any of the manosphere sites talking about FSOG, you'll see them arguing that this movie is giving young men "mixed signals" and "confusing" them about what women want. Rape apologists disguised as ignorant.

All right, I hate 50 Shades of grey, and I love pissing off my friends who are fans by reminding them how problematic the whole series is, but come on. That's like blaming alcohol or short skirts. He raped her because he's a rapist who was not brought up well and us taking out his issues on defenseless women.

But he then held her arms behind her back and sexually assaulted her as she continued to plead for him to stop, according to Karr.

I know I'm naive and I can be extraordinarily pollyanna sometimes, but I just don't believe that he got this from the film (or the books). I legit don't believe anyone is that stupid or that easy to influence. He probably said it was because of FS0G because he thought it would help him get off or get a lighter…

As a Californian, I only eat free range linguinis grown in our offshore Linguini farms.

No, that last one is okay. Bowls are only for soup.

I worked as a waitress in a nice Italian restaurant for a year in my early 20s, and can I just say, the worst customers of all were the "finger-snappers". Please, if you need to get your server's attention, address them as they walk by. For the love of god do NOT snap your finger in the air from across the room like…

IT TASTES LIKE HAM.

Don't go after THEM, get their license plate number, if you can. Then call the cops.

ARE YOUR LINGUNIES IN SEASON

Guest: I don't eat meat.

Brace yourselves, everyone.

Welcome back to Behind Closed Ovens, the BIZARRO EDITION:

It's reading things like these that reinforce my opinion that everyone in the general public needs to work in the service industry for one year just to gain a different perspective of how their food comes to them. Think of how much better tips would be and how much easier service type jobs would be

So many of these stories demonstrate the adage of what I've learned being a designer

*sips skinny whole-milk nonalcoholic Irish macchiato* from their monogrammed thermos

Nothing worse than linguinies that are picked too soon. Grilling them more won't even make them tender.

So, if I say "skinny" when ordering anything at Starbucks it negates the 800 calories, yes?