My memoirs will be titled, “Why Did I Read the Comments.”

I guess she didn’t think the deal was.... a Grand Slam.

My dad has sleep apnea, and when he got his first sleep-breathing machine when I was 7-ish, they recommended that he try going cleanshaven to help the mask fit more comfortably.

I blame the English language. It’s not Natasha’s fault that “All you can eat” can be singular or plural (and boo to Denny’s for taking advantage of the ambiguity). This wouldn’t have happened in Shakespeare’s day. When the tavern had an “All thou canst eat” special, everybody knew it only meant thee, not thy whole…

Jennifer Lawrence is literally all of us, just with better hair.

This is a beautiful comment and I award you the Goonies equivalent of stars ... The Truffle Shuffle, of course!

Last time I was in Astoria Oregon I ordered from seamless. It came from an Italian place called The Fratelli Bros. I ordered a nice pasta dinner but what showed up at the door was a Baby Ruth wrapper and a half eaten tub of Rocky Road ice cream. Lame.

“Come for the socialism, stay for the reading!” This needs to be the motto of every library ever.

I would think it was funny. Than I have my head in a book most of the time anyway.

Absolutely! we bleeding heart liberal moonbats we really like reading; and like to see others reading. Come for the socialism, stay for the reading!

diagram of the Single-Follicle Theory?

This world is just satire now, right.

My eyes!

THE HORROR.

Already making ‘Merica Great Again.

I’m disappointed by the lack of salt and pepper options.

of course

When I was around 12, I went to a slumber party where our little hostess wanted us to all swear we would never drink or do drugs. Everybody swore but me, because never say never. Nobody spoke to me for a week but 2 years later our little hostess was the biggest head in 3 counties. We had a good laugh about it. In that…

Or train or a plane. Or on a boat or with a goat.